Overcoming the scars
Trophies and pictures line the walls of the RoundTripper Sports Academy's main hallway, leading to the mammoth synthetic surface infield and a dozen batting cages crackling with aluminum bats and popping gloves.
This was paradise to Garrett Berger, a place to play baseball no matter the weather. The Carmel native was 10 when he started working with pitching coach Jay Lehr, and one of the pictures in the hallway has Berger holding a Florida Marlins jersey after he was drafted in the second round in 2001.
During a visit with Lehr last year, however, reality poured out of Berger in the artificial environment.
Months after being selected, Berger grotesquely injured his right arm during the second inning of his pro career. His mid-90s fastball eventually returned but not the natural act of throwing strikes. Last summer, he was released for the fourth time in three years after walking 27 and throwing 12 wild pitches in 101/3innings for the Detroit Tigers' Gulf Coast League team.
"He came in to talk (and) was bitter," Lehr said. "(But) the next thing I know, he was over there working with some kids. Around them, he forgets."
And remembers.
Berger, 23, recognized the joy that was slipping away from him in the next generation of players at RoundTripper. He serves as a part-time instructor at the Westfield facility, has started a Web site -- ifungo.com -- that sells high-end sports equipment and is working as an athletic adviser for G.A.A.M.E.S., the agency that represented him.
"Five years of frustration was starting to engulf the love I had of the game," said Berger, who was Indiana's Gatorade Player of the Year at Carmel High School. "I wanted to make sure that I still had the passion (for baseball). I did not want to be the guy who walked around with a chip on his shoulder. I want to educate everybody else on how to respect the game. I want to make sure I give back what (baseball) has given me."
Sound of disappointment
The pop was loud enough to bring the catcher to mound.
"(He) said, 'Do you want me to get a trainer?' " Berger said. "I'm trying to make an impression so I'm like, 'Don't worry about it. It pops all the time.' Even though (my arm) didn't feel strong, I could still move it. (But) the next pitch was, hands down, the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my life."
He described the sensation as if his forearm had dislocated, jerked several inches away from the elbow, then returned. Berger had broken his arm and snapped the ulna collateral ligament, both potential career-ending injuries. A six-inch titanium screw was inserted to hold the bone together and he underwent a second surgery to repair the ligament 11/2 months later.
Ten months after the surgeries Berger was back on the mound -- the usual recovery time from the ligament repair is as much as 18 months -- because his mid-90s fastball had returned. Agony rippled through Berger's elbow again. The pain was only scar tissue, but he never got his confidence back.
He was released after he posted a 9.15 ERA with 24 walks and eight wild pitches in 192/3innings in the Gulf Coast League, the lowest rung of the minors. Berger then had short stints with Milwaukee, an independent league team in Richmond, Ind., Arizona and Detroit.
He retired after throwing 34 professional innings.
"I lived my dream for five years, so everything else I do feels unsatisfying," Berger said. "Even starting my own business feels unsatisfying because that's not my dream. My dream was to play baseball. It was so hard at the beginning because anything I did didn't feel up to par with where I was. Since then it's gotten easier."
The joys of youth
Sweat soaked through Ben Trimbur's T-shirt and dripped off his lanky elbow as Berger led the 17-year-old through a series of drills. Berger was quick to point out flaws, but when Trimbur showed frustration, Berger was even quicker to encourage him.
"He's the best pitching coach I've worked with," said Trimbur, a mid-major Division I recruit from Columbus, Ohio. "I got more out of those lessons than any others."
Berger often demonstrates the techniques, his motion free and easy as he effortlessly fires strikes. Seeing the fundamentals Berger preaches result in a fastball that booms off a vinyl strike zone hanging in the batting cage -- "He can bring it," Trimbur said -- doesn't hurt the learning curve, either.
When Berger's teaching, the confidence issues disappear.
"Helping kids is something I get pure joy from," said Berger, who lives in Cicero. "It's almost as satisfying as going out there and playing."
He admits to having some fun with his $800,000 signing bonus -- including buying a Chevy Avalanche -- and the first check he ever wrote was for $130,000 to the government. But he also made investments that have allowed him to devote his time to the Web site, coaching and working as an adviser, without having to worry about a full-time job.
He has access to a college scholarship and is considering taking classes that will benefit his business.
Until then, he fights off the animosity he feels for the teams that released him and appreciates the financial head start the game gave him. But the pain at the memories -- what could have been -- is as clear as the scar zigzagging underneath his right elbow.
"The more people I help, the easier it gets," Berger said. "I can see how well they do, how successful they can be and help them. It makes my life a little bit easier. Turning baseball on TV . . . that's never going to be easy. It's hard for me to go out to a game, but I'm sure I'll go to Wrigley and enjoy the bleachers like everybody else.
"It's always going to be hard (but) the more people I help, the easier it gets."
